I Have Boundaries, but Grandma Doesn’t!
My mom keeps giving my son money.
I’ve really dug in and have gotten educated over the years with the disease of addiction. I no longer give my son money when he is actively using drugs, and while at first it was hard to say no, it has gotten easier with the strength that I have gained over time. Now, my son asks his grandma for help with all kinds of things. Most recently, she gave him money to have his car fixed, but she hid it from me. I didn’t find out until my son crashed his car. How do I get her to stop? —Beth
I can understand how this is a tough situation. Just like you may have felt prior to becoming educated, your mom is hoping, If I just help him this time, it will all get better. She may be feeling natural thoughts of If he has his car fixed, then he can get a job, and he will stop doing drugs. Saying no to these things can create feelings of guilt and worry that he will feel he is not loved. Although you cannot control what your mom does, you can influence her by approaching the conversation in a healthy, positive, and nonthreatening way. Tell her how much you love her and how thankful you are that she loves your son so much. Explain that you understand how hard it is to say no, and you would like to support her through this journey. A suggestion of attending a support group or educational workshop WITH you could be very impactful for her. Lastly, give your mom a big ol’ hug.
Disclaimer: The above advice is not meant to be construed as medical or legal advice. If you need professional medical, psychological, or legal advice, please contact a doctor, lawyer, or medical center.
Katie Donovan is a family, life, and relationship coach; keynote speaker; and writer with a passion for empowering women. She has been interviewed on ABC, NBC, and Fox Sports and featured in cover stories in Time and Money magazines. Katie’s award-winning blog, www.amothersaddictionjourney.com, reached over a million views and was seen in 146 countries within thirty days of its inception and has been syndicated in over thirty publications, including USA Today and Disney’s blog Babble.
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