Letters to My Child

by Danni Morford
May 29, 2019

“More than kisses, letters mingle souls.” ~John Donne

 

Heavenly Birthday  

Travis,

I woke up this morning with you on my mind. I just laid there and thought of you.

Your sweet dog, Tyson, is curled up next to me. I think he senses that I am sad and tries to comfort me with doggy kisses. Do you remember when I sang lullabies to you, when we rocked away to Neverland? Your tiny fingers curled around a lock of my hair as your brown eyes gazed up at me; you were my midnight baby. You are in the air I breathe, the shooting stars, the moon at night, a blue jay’s feather. All of these are sweet reminders [DM: more accurate?] that you are never far from me.

Your dad and brothers miss you, too; I can see it in their eyes and hear it in their voices. Grief surrounds us, and though no one says it, we know our family will never be the same . . . and it hurts. I cannot wait till that mother and child reunion; until then I will carry you forever in my heart.

Always loving you,

Mom

 

My Closet

Travis,

I wanted to find a way that I could still talk to you. Communicating through a letter or note still seems the most comfortable way. There are times when I need a place to go and sit and be alone with my thoughts. It seems like I always end up in my closet, sitting on the floor hidden by my clothes. Your sweet dog, Tyson, found this place, too, so we share this hideaway. I have a soft blanket that I put on the carpet for him to lie on. My chair is the floor and I lean against the wall sitting in the shadows and just think, feel, and breathe. I imagine your dad thinks I’m weird, but he is getting used to the new me.

Love you, brown-eyed boy,

Mom

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Danni Morford

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5 Comments

  1. Danni,
    Thank you for sharing this. I completely relate to everything you wrote. Our son died of an overdose January 16, 2017. I’m still trying to figure out who the ‘new me’ is ——
    Joyce

    • Xoxoxo

    • Joyce, I am so sorry for the loss of your son. Be gentle with yourself, may the good times you share comfort you. Peace be with you, For the love of your son♥️.
      Blessings, Danni

  2. I saw Danni this afternoon at the grocery and we laughed and tears came too talking about our precious sons, one here and one an angel who was also my little 2nd grade student….had his brothers too. My son is active in his addiction, and I’m so scared because we lost our future son-in-law to the disease. What, who brings us together? He is a God to me, and I just still need to trust Him to accept and heal myself.
    I’m blessed in many ways, but this disease is a self-centered, heartbreaking, all consuming thorn.
    Today I have my son. Will he come home, and will I be able to go on his room to check on him like I’ve done for the last 9 years? I see him in the movies he’s been in and don’t care if he isn’t in that business. I want that highly intelligent, funny, loving and authentic boy back and I can’t do it. We named him after my dad, a former pro football player for the NFL, who raised me to be strong, pray and never give up, but I’m so discouraged now, I’m not sure I can be that person anymore. I must stop and get some rest….sounds like I’m rambling at an Alanon meeting. Thank you Danni for sharing this beautiful site of Moms who get it and are honest.
    C

    • Cynthia, how blessed you are to know Danni, she is such a wonderful person. I hope you continue to find some help and hope here and from other warrior moms along your journey. Sending hugs and hope to you.


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