Letters to My Child
“More than kisses, letters mingle souls.” ~John Donne
I woke up this morning with you on my mind. I just laid there and thought of you.
Your sweet dog, Tyson, is curled up next to me. I think he senses that I am sad and tries to comfort me with doggy kisses. Do you remember when I sang lullabies to you, when we rocked away to Neverland? Your tiny fingers curled around a lock of my hair as your brown eyes gazed up at me; you were my midnight baby. You are in the air I breathe, the shooting stars, the moon at night, a blue jay’s feather. All of these are sweet reminders [DM: more accurate?] that you are never far from me.
Your dad and brothers miss you, too; I can see it in their eyes and hear it in their voices. Grief surrounds us, and though no one says it, we know our family will never be the same . . . and it hurts. I cannot wait till that mother and child reunion; until then I will carry you forever in my heart.
Always loving you,
I wanted to find a way that I could still talk to you. Communicating through a letter or note still seems the most comfortable way. There are times when I need a place to go and sit and be alone with my thoughts. It seems like I always end up in my closet, sitting on the floor hidden by my clothes. Your sweet dog, Tyson, found this place, too, so we share this hideaway. I have a soft blanket that I put on the carpet for him to lie on. My chair is the floor and I lean against the wall sitting in the shadows and just think, feel, and breathe. I imagine your dad thinks I’m weird, but he is getting used to the new me.
Love you, brown-eyed boy,
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My biggest powers are acceptance and unconditional love.